:: finding yourself ::

(photographing Iceland - taken by my sister, Liesl)

As many of you know, I took a transformative trip to Iceland last year with my youngest sister. I'd always known I wanted to travel there, but I didn't realize what a profound impact it would have on me. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's absolutely true. As I sit here today, weary from every day life and fresh off of a trip which was taxing and heartbreaking, I am longing for the vast and varied terrain of Iceland. Open road takes on a whole new meaning there. You can drive for miles and miles and not see another soul. While I love interacting with people, I also crave the serenity of nothingness. In this case, the nothingness is otherworldly landscapes not marred by signs or neon lights or, in most places, people. For me, my brain has a reset button, and one that I don't utilize often enough. I believe that to be true for just about everyone. For you, maybe it's not Iceland...maybe it's the beach, or the desert, or anywhere that lets your brain rest. Very rarely do we take the time to breathe. Really breathe. In Iceland, I felt like I could breathe again. I challenged myself in ways I didn't know I could. I was adventurous and open, smiling and breathing. In with the good, out with the bad. It's not realistic to think that we can live in our escape, but we can strive to be more mindful of what is stripping us of our peace on a daily basis and work to eliminate those toxins, so to speak. I am saying this knowing that I have a long way to go in this process. I'd like to think that since my Iceland experience, I have at least begun to tap into those inner resources that will allow me to breathe more easily. My personality is such that I tend to take on the weight of the world. I try not to, but it's just who I am. So my challenge is to figure out how to be true to my personality while also taking care of myself. I hate to think of myself as selfish...that word has such a negative connotation for me. I, along with many of you I'm sure, have to separate self care from the word selfish. Self care is necessary, not selfish. I'm learning that I cannot help others if I am tapped out. And I've been tapped out for a while. I wish I could travel to Iceland and beyond every few months, but obviously that's not a possibility. Since I have found that there is peace for me in exploration, I will work to do so more often than I have in the past. All I have to do is look at the tattoo that I got with my sister in Iceland and realize that I am strong and courageous and, yes, adventurous.

hugrökk kona, ævintyragjörn sál

courageous woman, adventurous soul

:: brandi - warrior princess ::

I truly believe that people come into your life for a reason. Sometimes it's not apparent at the time, and sometimes it just smacks you upside the head. I met this fierce woman through a program which matches up photographers with families going through a cancer battle. I got paired with Brandi and I couldn't be more thankful. She is truly amazing, as is her adoring, supportive husband and their Miss Independence three year old daughter. Brandi exudes positivity and strength. If I didn't know she was sick, I wouldn't know. She is sweet and loving and happy and in the past year has been in a battle for her life. I asked her if she would mind sharing her story...an increasingly common one...so that others can be inspired and know they're not alone. Here's her story, in her words...

"On October 22 2018 I received the call that all my tests came back positive for breast cancer.  I was 37 years old and my daughter was 2.5, no family history and all genetic testing was clear.  I was 1 out of 8 women who will receive this diagnosis due to environmental conditions. It was a whirlwind of calls and appointments scheduled and on November 22 2018, I had a double mastectomy surgery to remove the cancer as well as a lymph node dissection to be sure for clear margins. On January 3rd 2019 I started my first chemotherapy treatment along with 5 more after that every 3 weeks.  I completed my treatments in May but would then go on to 28 days of radiation and finishing out 2019 with two targeted infusions. I will receive my last infusion on Jan 9th 2020!  

Your life and experience and expectations of how things are supposed to be really does change and it alters every aspect of your life.  Your health is something that should never be taken for granted and even though I am what I think to be one of the "lucky ones", the rest of my life will be filled with appointments, a hopefully manageable level of anxiety and fear and an overwhelming amount of faith and grace to be able to live my days I was given to their fullest."

One of the things I've learned over my many years is that you never know what someone else is going through. Most people don't live their lives with full transparency. It's not our business to know everyone else's, but it is our responsibility to be kind and giving and loving to those who cross our paths. Everyone is dealing with something in their life. Everyone. 

Thank you, Brandi, for sharing your story. I am beyond grateful to now count you as a friend and, even though I've not known you long, I'm so proud of your courage and strength. 

brushing off the dust

Well, well, well...

Bet you didn't expect to hear from me! I can't believe it's been almost 3 years. Not quite sure what my issue is with this whole blog thing, but like I've said many times before, I'm going to try and get moving with it again. I figured THIS wedding was definitely the one to start with...I mean, how can you go wrong with a destination wedding in St. Lucia??? The answer is, you can't.

{WARNING :: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE!}

I met this beautiful bride a few years ago when I shot her parents' 30th anniversary vow renewal. That day, I knew I was dealing with a special group. Last year they reached out with a special request...Chelsea was planning a destination wedding sometime this year, but the groom's grandmother was not going to be able to travel all that way, so they wanted to do something special. Something just for her. So her mother pulled out her dress from 1986, which happened to fit Chelsea PERFECTLY, and she and Mike went to the courthouse with his grandmother for a ceremony just with her. She and I were the only ones in there with them as they said their first "I do". It was amazingly special and thoughtful. I normally get teary at some point during a wedding, but I felt like it was the entire time as I watched his grandmother beam with pride at the love and commitment on display.

Several months after this ceremony, they reached back out to me to see if I'd be interested in traveling with them to St. Lucia for their second ceremony with their families. Yeah, that was not a difficult decision to make! So plans were set for our December to remember. It was a very small group. In total (including me) there were 11 people. Not for one second did I feel like a vendor or an outsider. This amazing group of humans made me feel like one of their own and included me in everything they did (to include ziplining!! Not something I ever thought I'd do!!). By the time the day came for the actual ceremony, we'd already spent 3 days together. It was magical. Being able to photograph these people who I've come to adore, in a setting that was completely different from any wedding I've ever done, was so special. These families truly love each other and I'm so lucky to have been able to capture that. 

it's wedding time!!!

Congratulations, Mr & Mrs!!

pretty sure a rainbow on your wedding day is a great sign!!